Doubt

"Doubt" 10 of 200 from Robert Aitken's book Miniatures of a Zen Master.

I've always had trouble with "doubt". It seems to have a bit of negation built into it. It is too bad that English words often have more than one meaning. Just say "I doubt it!" to in the middle of a conversation and see if it doesn't have negative effects.

Aitken Roshi uses "inquiry" to describe doubt and it seems so much more helpful or even closer to being intimate would be "wonder". Maybe all these words are synonyms for the feeling described by...

"At the bottom of great doubt lies great awakening. If you doubt fully, you will awaken fully".
Hakuin

The torch of doubt and chaos, this is what the sage steers by.
Chuang-tzu

Great Faith. Great Doubt. Great Effort. - The three qualities necessary for training.
Chien-ju



Yesterday, it was cold and snowy here in Northern Idaho so I hibernated with computer and books catching up on reading and viewing. A twitter friend pointed me to a 4 part youtube video by Shinzen Young called Zero and One. (Highly recommended.) One of the nuggets that has stuck with me from this series was Shinzen's description of some term he was using as "highly technical and very specific". While I can't remember the exact term he was refering to, I can see where doubt or "Great Doubt" may also be describing something highly technical and very specific and I've missed it all this time.

How's that for doubt, inquiry and wonder? More research needed!

Liking Yourself

"Liking Yourself" 9 of 200 from Robert Aitken's book Miniatures of a Zen Master.

Here Aitken Roshi really pours on the encouragement. He admonishes us to find a good teacher, work together and trust yourself. Of these three, 'work together' is the most problematic for me. I live in Northern Idaho and my 'good' teacher is 421 miles away. This makes it a little tough for regular face to face meetings. Email seems the answer but that medium has its own problems. A couple of 7 day sesshins and one or two shorter retreats is all I can manage. Maybe I should listen up, take his advice and 'trust myself' that this is enough.

Let me say a little about this book. It is a hardback published in 2008 with an introduction by Nelson Foster. Get it at your local independent book seller. This is new and fresh material and reads very much like his earlier book Encouraging Words. Each chapter is only a paragraph long. Each of these is what Aitken Roshi calls a 'miniature', hence the title.

Each is physically miniature yet there is an invitation to dive in deeply. Explore each and find the warm wisdom and support offered by someone who walks the path and has lead many to "...uncover the unique one that has been there all along." Aitken Roshi's miniatures are so deceptively simple without being simplistic. This is his strong suit, speaking plainly and pointing to the nature of reality without any flashy academic or mysterious mumble jumbo. 

For me, these miniatures have a way of guiding me in turning the light around and shining it inward.

Thanks Robert.

The Timeless

"The Timeless" 8 of 200 from Robert Aitken's book Miniature of a Zen Master.

In this miniature, Aitken Roshi kicks it up a notch. In just 63 words, he point out the timeless nature of life, describes how we wake up in that timelessness, then explodes it all by pointing out that 'timelessness' and 'waking up' are just thoughts and here is the part that I love, Aitken Roshi admonishes us to "dismiss all concepts" and "dismiss all thoughts".

Don't know why this type of teaching resonates with me?

Uchiyama Roshi described thoughts as secretions of the mind. It is just what minds do, minds secrete thoughts. This fits my experience. Some minds are huge secretors (new word) and some not. Even an individual mind, like mine, sometimes has a diarrhea of secretions and sometime is dry of secretions. If we realize we control the secretions (thoughts) of the mind the same way we control our heart beating, then we have a chance.

By exercise and proper diet, the heart develops strength and capacity to ramp up to any exertion I throw at it. Low cholesterol keeps the pipes clear, cardio training slows the resting pulse. Indirectly these work together to act on the beating heart yet I still don't control it. In this same way we can only exert tiny bit of external pressure on the minds secretions. A sitting practice helps. Working with a teacher helps. Friends can help. What else helps?

Thich Nhat Hanh is in Old Path, White Clouds, said "This is because that is. This is not because that is not. This is born because that is born. This dies because that dies. This is the wonderful law of dependent co-arising that I have discovered in my mediation." So it is with the secreting mind.

Aitken Roshi encourages us to dismiss thoughts with "not this, not this, not this" over and over without end.


Don't pick your minds secretions and play with them. This is no more healthy or helpful than picking up your bowels secretions and playing with them. (Aitken Roshi didn't say this, I did. He wouldn't be so crude.)


If you are reading here, you really should consider getting Robert Aitken's book Miniatures of a Zen Master. It is a sweet book, each chapter or 'miniature' is only a paragraph yet is packed with how-to and encouragement. I bet you'd see different things than I do. It is a bit funny that he writes 63 words and I create this with 412 words. Thanks Roshi.

 

Vows

"Vows" 7 of 200 from Robert Aitken's book Miniature of a Zen Master.


This miniature points to how in all times practitioners are just me. Same struggles with confusion, same work on the cushion, same practice of being skillful and sometimes slipping. In fact we sit on our cushion together, the whole universe together.

Sound pretty?

Well Aitken Roshi admonishes us to get up off our cushions and work with vows. It is not spelled out completely what is meant by vows but for me my vows are my precepts and the Shiku Seigan Mon (Vows of a Bodhisattva). Wow, what a huge challenge.

A big part of my challenge with my vows is keeping them in my attention. Skillful life is directly proportional to the focus of attention. How skillfully and on what I place my attention either actualizes my vows or if I'm lucky enough to catch it, I get a pointer on where I can work and practice so as to do better next time.

When I know better I'll do better. This has alway been my experience.

To paraphrase Aitken Roshi, now it is your turn. What is your plan to save the many beings?   

Lucky

"Lucky" 6 of 200 from Robert Aitken's book Miniature of a Zen Master.

In this miniature, Aitken Roshi uses two aphorisms. One to point out how precious this existence is and the second to kick us in the butt as a form of encouragement to hunker down in our practice and be responsible for our own advancing or back-sliding.

I see a parallel with Uchiyama Roshi's "Seven Points of Practice", particularly with point 5.

1. Study and practice the buddhadharma only for the sake of the buddhadharma, not for the sake of emotions or worldly ideas.

2. Zazen ( sitting meditation) is our truest and most venerable teacher.

3. Zazen must work concretely in our daily lives as the two practices (vows and repentance), the three minds (magnanimous mind, nurturing mind, and joyful mind), and as the realization of the saying , " Gaining is delusion, losing is enlightenment. "

4. Live by vow and root it deeply.

5. Realizing that development and backsliding are your responsibility alone, endeavor to practice and develop.

6. Sit silently for 10 years, then for ten years more, and then for another ten years.

7. Cooperate with one another, and aim to create a place where sincere practitioners can practice without trouble.

- Uchiyama Roshi (1975)

I have this printed on one of my HipsterPDA cards and refer to it often. It is a form of encouragement. Seems to me that Aitken Roshi is providing this same kind of encouragement. Miniatures are his 'points of practice'.


My word for today is encouragement. Encouragement everywhere. May the fruits of your practice bring you encouragement.

I'm encouraged by the response I've gotten here and for the comments. Being new to 'Blogger', I'm moderating comments but can't figure out how to set things so an approved commenter doesn't have to have their future comments individually moderated. Tips anyone?

Therapy

"Therapy" 5 of 200 from Robert Aitken's book Miniature of a Zen Master.

I was with my dharma friends this last Saturday and I was moved to share that I see all my views and ideas as crap! Yes crap! I felt strongly about that and had plenty of examples and felt righteous because I even remember a sutra or two that sort of say that ideas and views are crap! Any ways the group was somewhat resistant to this and that even spurred me on more.

It all came crashing down when someone was so kind as to point out that even the view that my views and ideas are crap! is a view that is crap! Hearing that in the moment brought me up a little short and warm smile grew on my face. Drop all that and come back to the present. It sort of felt like the floor falling away or "stepping off a hundred foot pole". I still see were my views are not helpful but I'm less fervant about how crap! they are. (I see now crap! is too loose of a term. Delusional and sometimes bordering on stupidity would be more accurate.)


This miniature is about therapy. Many linage holders and leaders in Robert's tradition are therapists. I try and not hold that against them but it does seem odd to me. Robert is not nor was ever a therapist. He seems to point to therapy in a slightly different sense that traditional Western psychotherapy yet maybe he includes it. Letting go of attachment to body and mind, where is there a need for therapy? (See above!)


Got my cholesterol test results back today. Low Lousy (LDL), low Healthy (HDL) and low total cholesterol. Mostly good. Any one have tips on how to bring up HDL's?

The Tangled Web

Today some random notes.
  • I'm enjoying this new Zen blog. So far separating my posts on Zen from my other blog feels nice.
  • Went to my doctor yesterday and was told that I was healthy. I was surprised by that. I had been telling myself that I was not healthy and in fact I was about to check out. The mind is a funny thing. One odd bit of information (one high blood pressure reading) and a couple of funny sensations in the body (neck muscle twitching) leads to confusion and delusion.
  • There is a retreat/sesshin coming up in a couple of weeks and I'm enrolled! Branching Moon a seven day residential retreat on the Puget Sound with Jack Duffy and Seattle's Three Treasures Sangha of the Pacific Northwest .
  • Today, in "Miniatures of a Zen Master" 4/200 Robert points to how easy it is to be duped by our "self-concerns". The small me which happens to be the loudest voice in my head. Funny how the small me is loud and Big Mind is silent. I guess not so funny, more like sad. Look at the world and the effects are plain and oh so sad usually.
  • What would the world be if the roles of small me and Big Mind were switched? Genpo Merzel claims to have a method for doing this. Even though all my conservative Zen friends poo-poo Genpo Merzel's Big Mind process, I'm fascinated.

How are my small "self-concerns" getting in the way of actualizing what is real? Can I even identify all of these "self-concerns" without letting any slip through?